As I was walking home from my bus stop, a couple of Mormon boys came up to me and wanted to give me their spiel. Just as they started talking I told them that I wasn't interested. One of them asked if there would be a better time and I replied that I am a Buddhist (which I'm not sure I can really say, but that's another post for another time) and that I wasn't interested. I wished them a good day and kept going.

I wasn't rude. I didn't snap at them. I did feel irritation and crabbiness arising inside of me though. Almost as soon as we parted ways I felt ashamed of those feelings.

Background:

I may have written a bit about my spiritual past, but bear with me. I was raised in what is now the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, a relatively "liberal" protestant denomination. While I have sentimental ties to that denomination of Christianity as I grew older having a faith based on the ELCA meant less and less to me. Confirmation was a joke. Rarely did I feel anything aside from obligation when I went to church (except perhaps when the music was particularly good). Ironically enough, it was while I worked at Camp Vermilion (an ELCA camp) that I realized that it really wasn't working for me. It really seemed to be a culmination of years of struggle and discontent with Christianity.

Around that time I was introduced to Zen Buddhism. I'm not sure there could have been a better place for learning about mindfulness than that summer in the Boundary Waters. Though I have a thousand questions about Buddhism in general, I do know that the little I know about Zen makes sense to me.

I would say that I am still searching. If I had to ascribe a label to myself it would be Agnostic with Buddhist sympathies. How's that for wishy-washy?

Back to the topic at hand...

I have no time for proselytizing. It implies right and wrong and that those who believe differently made a bad decision or that their experience is invalid. The "believe this way or else" is one of the big problems I have with Christianity (and other religions that have similar messages). It seems to me that there is a problem when one group over here insisting that they're right and there is another group over there insisting that they're right. I just can't buy into the idea that some fraction of the world's population is right while all the others are wrong (while still believing that they're right of course).

So proselytizing makes me crabby. I know I shouldn't be crabby though because while I don't agree with going around trying to convert others, those two young men were following their faith. Faith can be a very beautiful thing. I can not hold it against them.

What I missed in just walking away was the opportunity for a potentially enlightening conversation. What is it like talking to so many people who don't want to see you? Why are you on this mission? How do you feel it will affect you and your spiritual journey? I have some issues with religion, but I am also very interested in how and why people believe. I am at times uncomfortable talking about faith, but there is little that fascinates me more. There have been quite a number of times when I have considered how wonderful it would be to be an aesthetic monk, studying, meditating, learning, communicating, being.

So I was unhappy with myself for reacting so viscerally even if I didn't show it. I missed an opportunity to gain an understanding. I had an unjustified negative reaction towards those two, when I should have seen them with eyes of compassion and love.

Lesson learned? I don't know. I do know that I can do better and that hopefully next time something more productive can come out of a meeting like that.

Simple pleasure - Everyone is on their way somewhere
Peace